The Lions' Pride

The Real Reason The Chicken🐔 Crossed The Road🛣 (Satire)

Kyla S., Culture Editor

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Most people know I crossed the road to get to the other side, but no one seems to care why. Why? No one asks me, “hey Philip (ya, my name is Philip the chicken), what’s the reason you needed to get to the other side?” No one cares. People just always talk about my life story as a joke. Why did the chicken cross the road? Why? To get to the other side. Bahahaha. Why is it so funny? They refer to me as “the chicken”. Guys, I have a name! It’s Philip. Next time you decide to talk about something you know nothing about, use my real name. Why did Philip cross the road? And before you respond with “to get to the other side” read this next passage about why I crossed the road to get to the other side. It’s a lot deeper than you may think.

One day, I was coming home from my job at State Farm, ya I do insurance, and I came across my enemy. The man in the red shirt, and not my fellow employees at State farm, the Chick-Fil-A employee man. He’s been after me for as long as I can remember. Usually he’s alone and I can outrun him, but that day….. he brought friends. I didn’t think that he had friends, little did I know. Usually I run straight for the Veggie Grill, they love me there, but I was taking a different route because there was lots of foot traffic on my usual way home. When I saw Javier, the guy’s name is Javier, I ran. I was standing at the crosswalk , but there was no time to cross that road. The light was red! I screamed for my best friend from work, Jake (he wears khakis, silly Jake), but he didn’t come to my rescue. I was all alone. I had to run, but my little feet weren’t doing the trick. I needed to come up with something. Quick. At that moment I did something I regret. I didn’t want to be the criminal in this situation, but my life was at stake. I saw a skateboard and just hopped on it. I started to roll down the street, but the street was about to end. I knew I had to cross it soon or else I was going to be done-zo. At the next stop sign, the chicken gods were on my side, and I crossed it! I crossed the street and the guys got the red light. Though they may be trying to kill me, they are still law abiding citizens. I crossed the street to my safety and made it home to my wife and kids and had amazing burgers for dinner.

So ya, that’s my story. Next time you are telling that sick joke, think of me. Think of my story. Think of my legacy. Happy Purim!

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The Real Reason The Chicken🐔 Crossed The Road🛣 (Satire)