The Lions' Pride

Commemorating the Irvine Massacre (Satire)

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Commemorating the Irvine Massacre (Satire)

Tyler S

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Irvine, a city of peace and tranquility. On the surface there is nothing but love and harmony in the air but nobody truly knows the darkness that lurks beneath. The truth needs to come out and it is time people pop their personal bubble and be exposed to the truth. The truth that we know as the Irvine Massacre.

The sun was shining brightly and children were playing. Flower petals danced in the air but something wasn’t right. Gene Simmons a local man had committed a heinous act that could not be forgiven. He had sneezed and not covered his hand while on the bus. It only went downhill from there. Everybody was infected almost immediately. What was a simple sneeze had now begun an epidemic. The bus was forced to be quarantined as was a huge portion of the city. The virus has now gotten into the air and infected nearly everyone. Oh god the horror!

While on the sad side of the news news the Irvine DMV also known as the department of motor vehicles has been under fire. It was reported by a local citizen that the DMV has been forcing people to test military machines and vehicle’s against their will. The machines have been known to travel at extremely high speeds and are able to traverse land without any difficulty. If the minors who are forced to operate the machines do so with skill they are rewarded with a key card that allows entrance into the secret testing facility they have hidden away.
Oh. My sincere apologies. It appears that the man on the bus sneezed into his hand and that was the end of it. It also seems to appear that the DMV has just been issuing licenses and permits to children who complete the driver’s-ed program. Oh well. Now, where’s my paycheck?

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The student news site of Tarbut V'Torah Community Day School.
Commemorating the Irvine Massacre (Satire)